Everyone and their brother is writing on their blog about the recent school shooting. I have mixed feelings on this – One one hand, reading everyone trying to summon up all the emotional depth they can while they write about how much they feel about what happened, and writing little third person stories about how they would feel if it was their children, all of that bothers me.
I’ve always been the type who dislikes the fact that whenever something horrible happens, people use it as a vehicle to talk about themselves and their feelings. Much like the suicide of Amanda Todd (which was a horrible tragedy) which lead everyone around me to partake in an insulting and tactless game of who-knows-more-about-suicide and who-knows-the-most-people-who-have-committed-suicide.
The people who DO know what those situations are like are the quiet ones, who aren’t talking about how they’d feel in that situation, or about how many people they knew in high school who killed themselves.
I admit I’m biased because I’ve been through a number of experiences in my life and I tend to read into things too much, and I feel like I’m listening to people talk about me when I hear people talking about things like this, so I get defensive and agitated. But what am I doing right now? I’m talking about all the same stuff everyone else is, and how it’s effected me.
So I’m just another hypocrite, I’m human like the rest of the people on this planet. And I should have more compassion and patience for the people who are talking about what happened, because everyone has their own way of processing situations and emotions like these.
I hate this behaviour in others, but I think maybe it’s because I hate it in myself. This shouldn’t be about me, or other people. This should be about the people actually involved in the event.
And actually, it just occurred to me that the way I act in these sorts of situations (regarding people unconnected to a tragic event talking about said event) is the same way soldiers who come back from a war jaded and bitter and condescending act, and they really just act like a dickhead, because they can’t let go of whatever it is that is still with them.
I’m not entirely sure where I’m going with this. I don’t know if I am actually going anywhere with this. Other than realizing that I’m Lieutenant Dan without the service record. Maybe I’m just expressing my feelings about this in my own way, which involves being a dick.
Whatever the reasons for this may be, I’m still not commenting on what happened. I’ll leave that for other people to talk about.